“Yes, young man. I’m after a thistle, the bigger the better.”
“I’m sorry we don’t-”
“Then I want something with thorns. Roses.”
“Certainly madam, we have a wide range of-”
“No, she’s Scottish. She’d get the joke more with thistles.”
“No. It’s got to be thistle… oh alright, anything else Scottish?”
“I’m sorry, madam. I’m not really up on my Scottish varieties but I could get you Tommy. He’s from Scotland, he might know.”
“No, it’s fine. I’ll just have a wander and see what you’ve got.”
“Excuse me, young man.”
“Hello again, madam. Did you find something to your liking?”
“No. Your haberdashery department is rubbish.”
“Haber…? I’m sorry. I thought you were looking for a plant.”
“I am. Thistle. You have roses, like you said, and heather, but they’re only sew on. I don’t have time for sewing. The dance is tonight.”
“Line dancing. Every other Thursday night, and it was lovely before Aileen joined, and now she’s hogging all the men. It’s not fair.”
“I don’t quite understand why you want-”
“The blouse she was wearing, had lovely tulips on it.”
“Then I have just the thing for you, madam.”
“Right by the tills. Never sure why it’s there but there it is. A cactus transfer. £1.99. Iron on. Job done.”
Photography courtesy of morguefile.com.
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As I post an interview a day (amongst other things) I can’t unfortunately review books but I have a list of those who do, and a feature called ‘Short Story Saturdays’ where I review stories of up to 2,500 words. Alternatively if you have a short story or self-contained novel extract / short chapter (ideally up to 1000 words) that you’d like critiqued and don’t mind me posting it online in my new Red Pen Critique Sunday night posts, then do email me. I am now also looking for flash fiction (<1000 words) for Flash Fiction Fridays and poetry for Post-weekend Poetry.