“Sorry, madam?”

“Yes, young man. I’m after a thistle, the bigger the better.”

“I’m sorry we don’t-”

“Then I want something with thorns. Roses.”

“Certainly madam, we have a wide range of-”

“No, she’s Scottish. She’d get the joke more with thistles.”

“How about-”

“No. It’s got to be thistle… oh alright, anything else Scottish?”

“I’m sorry, madam. I’m not really up on my Scottish varieties but I could get you Tommy. He’s from Scotland, he might know.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just have a wander and see what you’ve got.”


“Excuse me, young man.”

“Hello again, madam. Did you find something to your liking?”

“No. Your haberdashery department is rubbish.”

“Haber…? I’m sorry. I thought you were looking for a plant.”

“I am. Thistle. You have roses, like you said, and heather, but they’re only sew on. I don’t have time for sewing. The dance is tonight.”


“Line dancing. Every other Thursday night, and it was lovely before Aileen joined, and now she’s hogging all the men. It’s not fair.”

“I don’t quite understand why you want-”

“The blouse she was wearing, had lovely tulips on it.”

“Then I have just the thing for you, madam.”

“You have?”

“Right by the tills. Never sure why it’s there but there it is. A cactus transfer. £1.99. Iron on. Job done.”


Photography courtesy of

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